c'mon people

so, we're almost to 2,000 page views.  lets get there, what do you think?  cuz we're on this journey together.  i've had so, SO, much positive reaction/influence from you, probably more than you've had from me.  forward to anyone you think might be interested.  what the hell, i could get a traveling job out of this.

anyway, i named the last blog, breakthrough.  maybe it was a breakthrough, maybe not.  okay, it probably was.  my mindset being at the ashram definitely changed, and yeah, for the better.  i also had a big skype call to my parents yesterday that was very reassuring.  worst news out of that was that fact there is another big fire in reno.  wtf.  it's the middle of january.  you wouldn't know that in kerala though.  i'd say it's at least 85 with like a 100 percent humidity.  and my roommates don't like the fan, again, wtf.  i also had some positive emails from friends.  wow, one should never under-estimate the support that comes from friends and family on a trip like this, journey if you will.  cuz, that's what it is.  a journey.  ten years ago, i would have truly been alone; now, thanks to computers, the internet, fuck (facebook), skype (a godsend), email; i am not alone.  i have all of you.  and you all have been so helpful.  so thanks.  thanks for being there and thanks for reading, and i can't thank you enough for your support and positive feedback.  it's truly heartwarming.

so, the real breakthrough has been outside of the ashram.  after i wrote last, i snuck out for a beer.  i guess it's not taboo, since i was off ashram property but i had to take a tuk tuk decently far to get there.  i felt like such a fugitive/spy/something badass.  it was awesome though, i only had one beer (kingfisher, a malt liquor, only to be sold in kerala) but it was great.  the dudes working the bar and me chilled (for the 15 minutes i was there, the tuk tuk was waiting).  it reminded me of really traveling, of getting to know the locals, of appreciating their lives and what their story is.  even if it was for just a moment.  a moment in time.  enough of the soft stuff.  let's get back to why i feel better about being here.  i'm still not digging the ashram that much.  i have made some decent friends (c'mon, it's me) and spoken with some good people about what is going on in their lives and what they are doing and what type of path they are on and what type of path they are trying to be on.  i've had good conversations about america, i've had good conversations with americans (they are a surprising amount of americans here).  as a whole, you don't meet too many americans traveling; and i would say i've traveled a decent amount (not just this trip but a couple included).  and you don't meet that many americans compared to other western countries; but there a lot here.  mostly decent people too.  it's pretty fucking awesome to meet good americans overseas, it makes the heart grow fond of home.  back to the point.  so, i've been doing extra seva at the tulsi farm.

"Tulsi has been used for thousands of years in Ayurveda for its diverse healing properties. It is mentioned in the Charaka Samhita,^[17] an ancient Ayurvedic text. Tulsi is considered to be an adaptogen,^[12] balancing different processes in the body, and helpful for adapting to stress.^[18] Marked by its strong aroma and astringent taste, it is regarded in Ayurveda as a kind of "elixir of life" and believed to promote longevity.^[19]
Tulsi extracts are used in ayurvedic remedies for common colds, headaches, stomach disorders, inflammation, heart disease, various forms of poisoning, and malaria. Traditionally, tulsi is taken in many forms: as herbal tea, dried powder, fresh leaf, or mixed with ghee. Essential oil extracted from Karpoora tulsi is mostly used for medicinal purposes and in herbal cosmetics, and is widely used in skin preparations due to its antibacterial activity. For centuries, the dried leaves have been mixed with stored grains to repel insects.^[20]"

thanks wiki. anyway, that's the farm i mention in my last blog (god i hate that word). it's not the seva that is a blessing; it's that their are also locals working there. i've made friends with about 8 or 10 of them now. one of them is teaching me, malayalam (malay) the local language.  i don't have much, basically just, what is your name and thank you.  also, a few bad words and slurs.  i guess you always learn the bad words first.  it's been that way since the begining of time.  but it's been reassuring to my trip.  i love meeting the locals and getting out there.  today, we stole some nips of a drink after work and had an indian beedi (kind of an cigarette wrap in leaf).  it was great, we were comrades in arms.  they've given me their numbers and made plans to take me out.  i love it!  it's why i like to travel.  i mean, i like meeting people and westerns too; but i still have major problems with some, and i'll emphasize some, of the westerns at the ashram.  some are really great, i love my roommate fritz from switzerland; he's great, he comes home every night usually after me and sits down on the floor next to my bed where i'm reading and asks about my day and we talk about my day, his day.  and when other other roommate (dominic, from french canadia) comes in we talk to him and fritz makes little sarcastic jokes and always gives me the eye when he does this.  it's pretty funny.  and then they talk a little bit and i usually listen.  but anyway, some of the westerns here suck.  like i said, i have the smiling problem here.  and then their skin deep spiritual agenda gets to me.  i guess i shouldn't let it.  maybe that's my hill to overcome in the ashram.  wow, i hadn't realized what i was supposed to do until i wrote that.  i'd been talking to charlie a lot about overcoming western people and our destruction of local culture for the last two months and here i am being holier than thou.  what a joke, i'm no better or worse than anyone.  i've been trying to see our similarities rather than our differences.  i usually have to start from square one, we are both human.  we are both alive, we are both on a path that lead us to this ashram.  and then go from there.  where ever there may lead.  so, this is the new plan.  overcome my own hold-ups.  i might be on to something.  we'll see...

but i'm stoked on the locals and hanging out with them and learning malay (even though i'm retarded with language and it takes me forever; but i've got their names).  my main man is vyshak and he's this halarious 20 year old, full of piss and vinegar, always talking shit.  his buddy nashim and then the hoe driver (i forget his name) and saga.  we listen to songs on their phones during tea breaks.  the chai here, forget it.  i haven't had coffee since getting here.  and i love coffee.  have about three cups of chai a day.  it's delicious.

another quick note: i love walking around the town and the island thingy the ashram is situated on.  i was telling this to a girl the other day and she wasn't so stoked on it.  and i had an email from a friend that kind of laid out the differences of traveling as a girl over me being a guy.  what a difference.  i never even thought about it.  i mean i had but not too much.  i walk around and smile at everyone and they smile back and sometimes i wave and sometimes the people call me over and i come over.  apparently it's different being a girl.  they get stared at and whistled at and they don't like it when dudes piss in the streets.  ops, i guess i'll quit that.  i forget is all i'm saying, there's a difference, in between me being alone and a girl being alone out here.  or anywhere.  what a trip.

i forget what else i wanted to write about.  there's juice stalls here.  the one i go to has the best mango shake, shit is unreal.  i've been trying to meditate and do yoga every morning.  i am looking at going to another yoga teacher training here, either rishikesh (this is where the beatles went and met a guru and learned about meditation and whatnot) or mysore (home of ashtanga yoga, the shit). or just doing a month long yoga course.  i drove a motorcycle again today, i'm pretty sure i love riding bikes.  the point is stay up, keep my head above water.  take in all i can.  my mom reminded me: life is good.  and what can i say to that, life is good, i am living an unreal dream.  so, i give thanks for that and all i have.

love you all.

take care,

nick

p.s. oh yeah, new agenda for the rest of my trip.

india: two more months, i have to be out march 28 due to visa expiration.  so, yoga school, either one month (feb) or two.  we'll see.  if it's one month, i'll travel india for another 28 days or so.

jordan: have to visit petra (one of my life goals), maybe israel to stay with daniel and hadas, the israelis i met in lao (also a life goal, see the holy land). 
egypt: see the pyramids (life goal, just crossing em off).
tanzania: visit my sister, go on a safari (what a joke, whose life is this).
maybe kenya, we'll see.
colombia: i just love the idea of colombia, see the caribbean coast.  heard it's beautiful, have to go.  maybe not a life goal but certainly awesome.
home: see friends and family.  go to a giants game.  hangout in sf.  go to reno and see friends and family there.  go to vacation about a week and a half after getting home in graeagle (one of my favorite places on earth, we've been going as a family over twenty years, top that) and hangout with family and friends, nieces and nephews and sisters and brother-in-laws.

it's going to be good and it's only just begun. 

bit of a breakdown/breakthrough

so today was kind of a monumental day for me and my travels.  since getting to the ashram about a week ago, i've been lost, confused, and frusturated.  i didn't know what i was doing here or why i had came.  i wasn't liking the people and sycophantic worship of amma.  nor what i percieved as their vapid spirituality.  no one smiles.  i have a major problem with that.  i'm a smiler.  i smile at everyone, walking down the street, on the bus, on the plane; mostly, there's times where i couldn't be bothered but most of the time i'm smiling at everyone i come across.  i guess it's a genetic trait inheirited from my father.  whaddaya gonna do.  back to the subject, i was not liking it at all here.

yesterday, three aussie chicks came through and were working (doing seva (say-vah) selfless service, we are supposed to do at least two hours a day of this) on moving paper from one room to another.  seva is meant to breakdown the ego, useless work will do that.  we call it charater building.  anyway, they were excited, funny, and of course cute.  we joked and talked and basically had an enjoyable time doing a job that sucks balls.  then we all took a tour of the ashram, which i hadn't done yet despited being here for a few days.  i was speaking with one of them about how it seemed that a lot of the people here were a bit selfish and not as alturistic as they would like to think.  point being, we were getting along fairly well.  i asked what they were up to, where they were going and whatnot.  they were heading north.  i had decided that i might do a yoga school in mysore and that their path was on the general path.  so, i was like, can i come with yous?  yeah sure, no problem.  that was an exta seva that i'd picked up, so maybe this was a little serendipity.  i felt good about the decision right then.  much happier than i had felt since getting here.

it wasn't until a little later, when i was walking home after dinner that i started feeling a little guilty about this.  maybe i hadn't given this place a fair chance.  maybe it was me and not everyone else.  i came all this way, and my plan was going to be staying at the ashram and meditating and doing yoga everyday (the yoga class here is not for me).  and i haven't been meditating at all.  these are my faults though.  so, i decided to sleep on it.  next day, i was feeling guilty about the decision to leave all morning.  i kept trying to rationalize, i should travel and see more of india and blah blah blah.  i went to yoga in the morning and was not quelled by that, the class was too easy, too slow, and too full of old people.  i hadn't told my regular seva that i wouldn't be there today and felt guilty about that, i actually like the lady who is the boss and some of the other people on the crew.  i actually packed up all my shit and was at the office waiting... just waiting and doing mind agitating circles and i just couldn't do it.  i couldn't leave.  i hadn't given this place a chance.  i hadn't been open enough.

so, i met up with the girls, told them i couldn't come with them.  you should have seen the begging, oh nick please, you have to come with us, oh it was disgusting.  but flattering.  i had to tell them no though.  nah, just kidding.  anyway, so i grabbed my bag and headed over to my seva, lunch serving duty in the western cantina.  there's four food areas: an indian cafe, an indian cantina (this is the "free" food, basically curry like breakfast, lunch, and dinner), a western cantina, and a western cafe.  it's not a bad gib, i'm near the food so i can taste it and get a little free something here and there.  so that's nice.  i worked my two hour shift, it was good.  had lunch with this kid from so-cal (patrick) who's kind of a devotee (someone who has asked amma to be their guru and she has accepted) i think.  he's pretty cool though, he was working the paper gig yesterday.  and we talked about what we did back home and about surfing and politics and it was re-assuring.  after that i had picked up an extra seva working in one of amma's gardens.  she has like 10 around the ashram.

about that ashram: an ashram is like a spiritual/religious campus.  there is a temple or more, depending, there are 3 here i think.  amma's main temple is a kali.  amma is a follower of kali.  kali is the hindi god of destruction.  there are multiple hindi gods but they are of the many faces of one god.  so it's kinda like the holy trinity of catholicism.  there are like 10 apartment building here, i swear, okay maybe not ten but like 5 or 6.  a few thousand  can stay here at a time i believe.  an ayurveda hospital and shop, a massive temple where bhjuan is sung a couple nights a week (bhjuan is the singing of  holy hindu songs); it's actually pretty beautiful.  4 foods places, a fruit stand, shops, an internet cafe, a pool, an ayurveda researce building.  and then on the ajacent homeland, the ashram is on a kind of island inbetween the ocean (arabian sea) and the back water; there is a ayurveda college, an engineering college, a science college and a couple other colleges i can't remember.  the place ashram isn't that big so it's all kind of packed in there.  it's realy pretty cool now that i think about it. 

so, i'm doing this extra seva at some land which will be a new garden soon.  she has a few gardens around growing ayurveda herbs and i'm sure other food stuff for the ashram.  and i'm moving bricks.  but i'm moving bricks with an italian and a austrian and there are two french girls also doing work there.  and i'm thinking that it was such a great choice to stay.  i'm helping building a new garden for one of the most charitable and humanitarian organizations in the world.  volunteering no less.  will people from all around the world.  yesterday it was the aussies, a french dude, and a swede.  my lunch crew is made up of a spanish chick, 3 americans, a danish dude, an old italian lady, a french chick and more.  the indian people here love amma, she is like a national hero.  yesterday, i met an indian from about two hours away in cochin and he just had two days off so he came here. 

if you don't know about amma's organization, embracing the world, look it up.  we watched a video about her and the organization during the introduction and ashram tour.  embracing the world has helped after every major catastrophe in the last 15 years and given more than that.  the flood here destroyed her ashram and yet they were providing countless bags of rice to starving people in the neighborhood and state it's located (kerala).  the tsunami in japan.  the earthquake in hati.  building housing for children in  kenya and clean drinking water and thousands of other houses in india and around the world. she's also a spiritual guide for thousands of people in india and around the world.

so yeah, i feel like i made the right decision.  this lady has hugged something insane like 35 million people, including yours truly, which i think was more of a treat for her than it was for me.  and while the people around here are little crazy about her, i can get it.  i can get behind all the humanitarian things that she's accomplished and feel good that for a little bit of time i helped and contributed rather than bailing.

i think i stink like curry though.  all i've eaten is the free meals for a couple days now, okay i broke down this morning and had western breakfast (curry for breakfast 4 days in a row is just too much).  so i had nine straight meals of curry and 10 out of 11 so far.  i might try to break some records.

so, while i still might bail at the end of january.  i've gave it a go.  it just took a bit of adjusting.  i mean, last week i was at one of the most massive parties on earth; this week i'm going to sleep at ten and living an ashram lifestyle.  hopefully i can do this yoga teacher training in mysore or just go and do some intense yoga training.  we'll see, i kind of came to india to save some money.

a quick note on the indian people: they do this head bobble that we would use a shoulder shrug for.  it's the funniest thing you've ever seen.  i mean it.  i'm laughing my ass off whenever i see it.  yesterday, during the paper move, their were about 6 indian women working with us and deciding where to move the paper and just throwing this head bobble around.  i was losing it. 

later,

nick

p.s. no picture taking is allowed in the ashram and i might follow the rules this one time.  i did get some shots from the outside and the surrounding area and i'll try to get more of the arabian sea and what not; but if you want to see what it looks like, i guess you'll have to come.

on my way out

alright, so i've been in thailand for about 5 days now.  i traveled from luang prabang to vientienne overnight and then caught a bus to bangkok.  i had about a week in thailand before i was supposed to catch a flight to india.  didn't have any plans, didn't know what i was going to do. but then you always meet some kids.  in the tuk tuk on the way to the bus station i met 4 kids heading to the full moon party on koh phangan the 8th of jan.  perfect.  i don't know if you've heard of them; but these parties are supposed to be massive.  they have an nye party that is supposed to draw around 60 thousand people.  i think the regular ones bring in about 30 thousand.

the kids are sebastian from belgium, anthony from france, jenny and lucy from england.  we got to bangkok at 6 in the morning and looked around for a place to buy bus tickets and a boat ride to koh phangan, this huge island in the gulf of thailand.  we found out that you couldn't catch a bus or train until the evening so we rented a room for the day and spent the rest of the day buying shit in bangkok and wandering around a tourist street there.  it was pretty crazy.  oh yeah, and walking around at 6 in the morning i did see a few lady boys.

the bus ride was uneventful but did drop us off at the port a little early and we had to wait from like 4 in the morning to 8 or 9 for the boat to pick us up.  after getting to koh phangan we had to take a tuk tuk to haadrin, which is the city on koh phangan where the party is.  it was the sixth, two nights before the full moon party.  they say the nights before it are better because on the actual night the place is so packed it's kinda unreal.  we settled some bungalows and then went to the beach.  the beaches are super gorgeous and have lots of people, from all over the world.  at the parties the next three nights, i would meet people from ibiza, iran, russia, spain, new zealand, england, australia, america, obviously thai's, france, israel, and many other places.

that first night was the pool party at coral.  billed as the original pool party in haadrin (everything here is the original something).  we got there way early but drank buckets anyway.  i don't know where i first started noticing buckets but they are everywhere in SEA.  basically plastic beach buckets full of some kind of booze and mixers and always red bull.  i've pretty much avoided the buckets until this night.  the pool party was okay but kind of a sauage fest so i took off for a bit head to another bar.  there i met this dude that told me about this jungle rave that you had to take a boat taxi to, i learned later that this place was called eden.  hahahah.  very fitting.  this place was nuts.  a couple bars, dance floors, lounge tables, dj's and everything else you can imagine would be in a place like this.  here i met the couple from ibiza that i would hangout with all night.  they were pretty cool, but i kept getting confused if they were french or spanish and where ibiza was.  they were looking from their friend from iran, he would show up hours later and i believe that i offended him by commenting that our countries were about to go to war.  i didn't mean anything by it but he snapped back at me.  i apologized and dropped it.  all i was trying to say is that it was crazy and not a good thing but... anyway, back to the party, we danced all night me with the couple from ibiza and then meeting other people as well.  we met this one palestinian who was dancing his ass off, it was infectious, the dude was a pretty bigger guy but he was straight fire on the dance floor.  by the time i caught the boat taxi the sun was coming up.  when i got back to the bungalow, i had to sleep in the hammock outside because my roommate had thrown sugar and shit all over the place in our room, including on my bed, and millions of ants had congregated there.

the next day we spent most of the day at the beach.  my roommate stayed in the bungalow, watching movies as he was too hungover.  i was pissed about the way he'd trashed our room but wasn't going to say anything.  i've surely never been too drunk.  anyway, the thai's were setting up platforms and stages and multi-colored neon ornaments all over the beach.    that night we hung out with the kiwi's at the kangaroo bar, where they sell mushroom shakes and joints.  i don't think i mentioned that they did this in vang vieng in lao too.  i'm not sure how legal it is; but i guess they do it anyway.  we had a fairly uneventful night as we were all tired from the night before and knew the next night would be big.

after breakfast the next morning we stopped by some shops to load up on neon gear for the night.  there must be like a hundred shops here, all selling neon clothes, jewelry, and body paint.  i got a tank top and we all pitched in on some body paint.  after that we hungout at the beach for days, reading, swimming, checking out the sites.  about 5 or so we ran into the kiwi's from the night before and made plans for dinner, they were going to a restaurant for sunday roast.  went back to the bungalow to shower and get ready.  we met up for dinner, no roast for me, only the veggie pad thai.  i haven't seen any drunken noodles either, maybe they aren't in this part of the country but that's all i would eat at thai places in sf, pad see kew.  it's weird.  anyway, then we got some drinks and headed back to our guest house to drink cheaper there for a while and cover our bodies in neon paint.  then we headed down to the beach for the party.  we set up a meeting place if anyone got lost.  i got lost right away of course.  this thai dude was driving by on a motorbike and i jumped on the back, giving everyone down the street high fives along the way.  in any case i made it to the beach and there was a shit ton of people, i mean, a lot.  so i headed to the meeting place, swimming through people.  people dancing on stages, dancing on the beach, people everywhere.

i got to the meeting place, got a beer and waited.  i don't know how long i waited but i never saw anyone from our group.  eventually, these two scottish girls sat next to me and i chatted with them for a bit.  after a while i just figured that i wouldn't see anyone from our group so i went dancing with the scottish girls.  we danced all night, they were drinking buckets but i had stopped drinking by now as i was pretty primed.  at one point it seemed the girls went from okay to absolutely wasted in like 60 seconds.  one second okay, the next not.  so, i had to get them back to their guesthouse or whatever.  it took us days to walk back up to the streets and one of them kept sitting down.  so we finally get a tuk tuk and head back to their place.  i figured it was in haadrin as that's where most people where staying for the full moon party.  i couldn't have been more wrong.  they were like a half hour drive to the other side of the island.  so we get over there and go to sleep.  the next day, i woke up way too late, missing the boat ride and bus i had scheduled to go back to bangkok.  then i had to pay 1,400 baht to get back to my side of the island, 30 baht to a dollar.  i got back and the poor kids had been looking for me for days, they had even gone to the police station to tell them they had a missing person.  i felt pretty bad.  i had to reschedule my bus ride paying more for it.  oh well, it was a good night.

so here i am the morning after the full moon party, pretty amazed by what a massive party it is and that they do this every month, waiting for the boat to head to bangkok.  the next time i write it will be from india.

later,  nick

p.s. i forgot to mention that this is the first place where i've met with anti-american setiment.  apparently new zealanders are down on us right now.  and more.

thoughts, and forgotten bits while i wait for the bus

i forgot to mention about the kid charlie and i pretty much saved his life on christmas.  what a present for him, and he'll never even know who we were/are.  we were hanging out at the darts bar christmas evening, i guess around midnight, when this kid who had been sitting at the bar passes out and starts puking all over himself on the floor.  not good.  the dudes who run the bar are all standing around talking about how he'll be fine, he just needs to sleep it off.  one of the guys is like, no, he needs to go to the hospital.  apparently, the kid had drank like half a bottle of whiskey in like a half hour.  good choice bro.  anyway, the dudes running the bar thought he had been hanging out with these other kids that were sitting at the bar.  nope.  puke boy was there by himself and no one knew who he was, if he had any friends, where he was staying, or anything else pertinent.  the dudes at the bar didn't really know what to do and were trying to wake him up, pouring water over his head and shaking him.  dude was having none of it.  anna, the girl from germany, who is in medical school, didn't have many answers other than yeah, he probably needs a hospital.  so being the man of action that i am, i'm like, i'll go get a tuk tuk.  no dice.  they are all somewhere else, just when you really fucking need it too.  so, i get an idea.  i'm not leaving homeboy there puking all over himself on the floor of the bar.  i'm also not gonna stay with him all night making sure he doesn't choke on his puke.  some old asshole yelled at us to just put him out in the gutter, not gonna do that either.  so, i tell charlie, we're taking him to the hospital.  charlie, you're gonna drive, i'm on the back holding on to you and we're gonna sandwhich homeboy in the middle.  desperate times, desperate measures.  crazy idea, but the hospital is only like two blocks away.  i throw this idea out to everyone and they kinda are like... okay.  we're gunna need help getting puke boy on the bike though.  so we get him on the bike, charlie driving, dude in the middle, and me on the back holding onto charlies coat, keeping homeboy up.  we take off, puke boy is dribbling spit and drooling all over my arms and maybe charlie; but we make it to the hospital.  we get homeboy off the bike and into the hospital, the people there take him.  i'm sure they're pretty used to this type of thing at the hospital in vang vieng.  i check on him the next morning at 8 AM. no where to be found, so, i'm hoping he was okay, slept it off and just went home the next day with a massive hangover.  what a trip on christmas though.

that outta the way, on to some thoughts i've been mulling over the past couple months.

when i left san francisco, i didn't know if i wanted to move back.  it was a strange time in my life there, i felt like i had lost myself there, but then i also feel like i found myself there at the end.  now i kinda want to move back.  it's such a beautiful city, with so many different things to do an be into.  my three favorite books stores are there.  i rode across the golden gate bridge at least once a week.  it's just an amazing city and i want to be in it.  i miss it, more than i thought i would.

i still am not sure what i am going to do when i get home.  i'm still throwing around going back to school to get a degree in physical therapy.  i definitely want to do my 500 hour yoga teaching certification, mostly just for me.  if it leads to teaching, then cool, but that's not my main reason for going about it.  the physical therapy thing just seems to mean that i will have to sacrifice so much, this is assuming i can find a well paying job with benefits and all that when i get home.  i really liked having nights and weekends off.  i worked all those times through college and i think it really took away from the first go around with school.  hahah, it could have been my mindset as well.  but if i'm going to do school, i would like to be able to fully commit myself but also live a decent lifestyle.  i guess if there's a will there's a way, right.  hopefully, i can make it all work out.

and lastly, i didn't have such a bad life.  i know i was pretty miserable at my job and that my career is definitely not one i would have ever chose for myself; but i had it alright.  weird, i was thinking about that on the bus last night.  i was not in control, i didn't know what to do, and i didn't know how to change it or get out and i let all of that effect the other parts of my life.  i was/am a great brother, i tried to be a great son, i was/am a great friend, i tried all the time to be a good and decent person, i had done a lot of self improvement work on myself that had paid off, i had the opportunity to take good vacations, ride my bike, play soccer, play softball, eat right, read, play video games, go to movies, hangout with friends and family, and enjoy life.  but i let the part i wasn't happy with smother the parts that were beautiful.  and i'm sure i knew this and felt guilt and shame over that.  so... weird.  guess now some of you will know where i was coming from and why i had to get out.  it felt good in the last few months to take control and determine that i would be happy.  and so i take this.

i'm going to throw these computers out of the window and make a scene here.  i just froze one computer and then this one is telling me google plus is not authenticated.  i'm going to lose it.  it takes a long time to upload 300 pics and when it's half way through and then the computer freezes it's a little infuriating.  just a little though. yall might have to wait until i get to thailand for more pics, i'm not sure i can take it.  or these computers...

later.

p.s. i threw an internal fit.  opened a facebook account for pics... fuck it... i hate that shit but really need to not be at the internet cafe for hours trying to upload pics.  really not into it.

leaving lao... next steps

i'm about to leave lao.  i feel a little sad... i think i love this place. 

i left charlie and michelle the 27th of december, in vang vieng.  it's weird, i'm now on my own up to my own devices and they theirs'.  but it was such an incredible time traveling with them.  we had our differences but left on such great terms that i'm renewed by the strength we found to overcome our problems and know that this experience has given us bonds for the rest of our lifetimes.  i also left them besty.  what a tragedy to be w/o her; but what a great opportunity to have had.  and i left her in good hands, with michelle.  it was crazy, we must have written up a bill of sale about 4 in the morning our last night together.  wild!

i chased a girl to luang prabang and upon arriving walked around town finding three friends from vang vieng, an israeli couple and a french girl who lives in phnom penh.  and we walked around town and eventually came across the girl i chased here.  what a small world it is when you are traveling.  i also saw a couple that i remembered from my halong bay tour.  call it what you will but you will always see kids you met before somewhere else, especially, if you are all spending time in a certain part of the world. 

in any case, the israeli's had met someone who knew someone that we could call and they could hook us up with a dude named goa (sp?) in a hmong village and we could go there and visit this village and stay the night in a families house and the next day they would take us on a trek to a waterfall where we could pick up a ride home.  perfect.

we spent that night walking around luang prabang getting some dinner, drinks, and playing cards.  those three activities have been constant functions in my life for days now.  anyway, luang prabang is beautiful, situated on a peninsula between the mekong and the nam khan.  it still has much of the original french architecture in old town and is a world heritage site.  it's absolutely gorgeous, small, quaint, and seems mostly that there are a lot of families and grown ups here.  no need to state the obvious (that yeah, i guess, i am a grown up).  lots of bakeries and expensive guesthouses, like twice what i have been paying the rest of lao.  no worries, i found a cheaper one though.  good restaurants on both rivers and foreigner food, which is good, cuz i've decided that despite lao being fucking awesome, the food is not that great.  they do have the buffets for 10,000 kip though, which you can get for dinner and that's like a dollar twenty five or so.  the next day we were to meet a 8 to do some shopping to bring meat to the hmong family we would stay with otherwise they would have to kill one of their chickens or maybe a dog or a cat or whatever.  so we met, picked up meat and took the hour tuk tuk ride up to the village.

this village has been one of the highlights of my trip so far.  the village has about 600 people and they were enjoying some hmong new year festivities when we arrived.  fucking strange.  all the kids were dressed in traditional clothing (pretty fancy, hard to explain, i got pics) playing a game where they would toss a tennis ball back and forth.  i'm not sure what the point was or if it has historical significance or what they were doing but it went on for a couple of hours.  when we got there the dude we were supposed to meet and stay at his house, goa, was not there.  apparently, he had to go on a hunt and had called one of the connections in the link of how we had found out about this place but they didn't know how to get a hold of the israelis.  so for abut an hour there was general confusion and no one was sure what was going on and they didn't speak that much english and we, of course, didn't speak much hmong or lao even.  but it all worked out and eventually we settled into a house of one of the dudes that spoke a little english and he would be our "guide" and then take us to the waterfall the next day.  cool.  so we dropped our stuff off and he took us on a walk around the village. 

i've never seen such happy people, i just walked around smiling at everyone and they would give me the biggest smiles back.  maybe they weren't happy, what do i know, but they sure would smile.  the kids were absolutely bananas, left to their own devices, with maybe an older brother or sister around they ran around the village screaming and playing games.  it was seriously crazy and one of the reasons i loved this place.  playing with fire, 5 year olds holding chickens and gathering them and putting them under a bamboo little tent and then releasing them all and chasing them down again, playing with massive machetes, throwing shoes at each other, everything you can imagine.  at one point we were playing cards and we must have had a group of about 30 kids surrounding us watching us play, one kid with a plastic bag over his head.  it was crazy but amazing.  at one point before dusk i chased around a group of about ten kids playing, tag, with me being the only one ever "it."  the men around a bocce ball court (which are pretty much everywhere in lao) gambling and playing. the women around but i didn't see that many, so they may have been inside.

this town must be one of the poorer places i've seen as well.  all houses pretty much one room woven bamboo huts.  i loved them and watched a dude weave something for a while.  they did have tv's though (which no one turned on until after dark), and some people had cell phones, but no real running water in the houses and shared shower/laundry/dish cleaning spickets.  no hot water.  about dusk every house pretty much settles to itself, starting a fire in the front yard (no fire place just basically on the ground) and gets to making dinner.  a few neighbor men stopped by to speak with the old man at our place around the fire where we all sat and passed around a glass of beerlao, which they seemed appreciative of.  we'd heard they didn't drink beerlao as it was too expensive.  don't know if that's true but we bought a few anyway and passed them around.  we'd brought some fish and chicken which we ate with sticky rice and it was pretty much delicious.  the men and the guests eating first and the women and kids waiting until we were done to eat.

the next morning we woke up at about 7 to the pounding of rice into rice cakes (?), which we would later eat dipped into a kid of syrup, after a long night of freezing sleeping on a wooden cot that wasn't comfortable and i did not bring anything, so only had a meager blanket.  they separated us as well, the guys (daniel, half the israeli couple) and me on the wooden cot, and the girls (hadas, the other half, mary-lyne, the french girl, and anna, the german girl i'd chased) on the concrete floor with a little padding.  i'm not sure any of us got much sleep.  but we survived.  we ate three different breakfasts that morning, despite apparent lack of money, eveyone wanted to feed us.  we ate the rice cakes, and then chicken soup twice.  and then the night forgetten, thanking eveyone we took off on the hike to the waterfall.

it was beautiful hiking through the lao jungle.  it doesn't feel much like a jungle to me.  not humid enough i guess during the dry season and after the humidity of cambodia and vietnam, this was so much nicer.  this was gorgeous though, mountian vistas, banana trees, rice, corn, papaya, and vegetable fields.  it was really cool, the guide telling me all the plant fields we passed and how his village harvests them all.  i tried to get out who the land owner was and who got money from the fields, but he didn't understand.  it was just nice to get out and walk and see things that weren't tourist sight seeing objects.  we hiked about 4 hours to the waterfall, where the guides left us and we went swimming in the below pools.  amazing waterfall, really cool limestone pools.  and then some kind of crazy bear area where they kept bears safe from poaching in some smaller outdoor fenced off areas.  it was weird.  but cool to see some bears.  we caught a tuk tuk from there made plans to meet up the next evening and watch the sunset over the mekong and then go out for new years.

i didn't do much the next day, worked out, went running, computer stuff, was told by my guesthouse lady as they fed me lunch that i could be her son-in-law, which was nice.  the sunset was marred by clouds but still beautiful, i mean, how many times will i ever see the sunset over the mekong in lao.  new years was fun but nothing special, we spent it at the whitest bar in town, utopia, but had a good time. 

the next day we had made plans to meet to go to nong kiaw.  a little town just north of here usually just a jumping off spot to an island on the river (not sure which one) where you can stay.  a quite little town, i really enjoyed this as well.  we got some really cheap bungalows and basically just chilled for two days out by the river.  i'm pretty much almost done with all the books i've brought, like 10 and need to keep the next two i finish to trade.  my backpack is decently light now and i'm moving back into hotter climates for the rest of my trip.  so time to start sweating all the time again and get used to some humidity.  i'm racing to bangkok and thailand as my lao visa runs out in one day and i had originally wanted to spend like two or three weeks in thailand, but i've had such good times in lao and cambodia that i do not regret it.  so, about eight days in thailand, where i think i'll try to shoot down to the south, before i take off to india.

so, i might have one or two more blogs left that might be interesting to read before i go to india.  i'm not sure how interesting my tales will be from there.  i basically just plan on going to the ashram and meditating, doing yoga, and chores and whatever else they'll have me doing. 

so i'm off to catch the night bus to vientienne and then an early bus to bangkok.  it's going to be a long bus ride.